DON’T IMPOSE ON ME
These words , “ Don’t impose on me, “ – have a tremendous effect on me. Sometimes talking becomes arguments and we have to quit. Whether that person said intentionally, consciously or unconsciously is different. We all utter words and we say we are aware. It sabotaged and crippled me initially. I didn’t ate anything that night.During the night before I slept i took an inventory. Was I wrong somewhere? I constructively took a fearless moral inventory and reviewed my day. Was I resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do I owe an apology? Have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once? Was kind and loving toward all? What could I have done better? Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Or was I thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But I must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reﬂection, for that would diminish my usefulness to others. After making my review I ask God’s forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken? And in the morning When I met , I didn’t uttered any word. I wrote it because it pacify my soul and writing always does. Others may know from my experiences and wrongs.
The seers and saints advise that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us. All round forgiveness is important. Putting out of my mind the wrongs others had done, I resolutely looked for my own mistakes. Where had I been selﬁsh, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely my fault, I tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was mine, not the other person. When I saw our faults I listed them. I placed them before us in black and white. I admitted my wrongs honestly and was willing to set these matters straight. It is not that person whom I have to change , It is I who have to change. The very powerful prayer I always do, “God grant me the serenity ,To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference “ has changed my perspective in life.
Few quotes which changed my life are – One of Paramhamsa Satyananda – “Assaults , abuses , injustices, taunts , harassments , discomforts , etc . have strengthen my personality . Let me – Adapt, Accept, Accommodate, . Bear Insult, Bear Injury ; highest sadhana.” And one of Acharya Rajnish- “Be grateful to everyone, because everybody is creating a space for you to be transformed – even those who think they are obstructing you, even those whom you think are enemies. Your friends, your enemies, good people and bad people, favorable circumstances, unfavorable circumstances – all together they are creating the context in which you can be transformed and become a Buddha. Be grateful to all. To those who have helped, to those who have hindered, to those who have been indifferent. Be grateful to all, because altogether they are creating the contexts in which Buddhas are born – in which you can become a Buddha.”
It is better to say sometime, “ I’m wrong , You are right.” Peace of your mind is becomes a priority than winning an argument and justifying your stand , if the other person is not reciprocating or paying any heed to you.
Saying, “I’m wrong, you’re right” is invigorating when we are sufficiently at ease with ourselves not to be bothered about actually being in the wrong. We are left feeling relaxed and thankful that we can be open to new ideas. The finest scientists are always alert to new evidence which may prove their own theories wrong, so they can discard any false notions and move closer to the ultimate truth they are seeking.When we achieve a similar openness, we find our instant negativism has begun to evaporate. Perhaps an illustration can clarify the relationship between the desire to be always right (the negativism of seeing almost everyone else as wrong), and the freedom to be wrong ourselves-to grasp and use new ideas and other help for staying sober.
It may, or may not, prove us to be in the wrong. That is not the important issue here. Whichever way the chips fall, we have at least temporarily freed ourselves from our driving need to be always right, or one-up. We have found that a sincere “I don’t know” can be rejuvenating.
For some reason, we spent a lot of time thinking or noting or talking about how wrong or mistaken so many other people persistently were. Whether they really were or not is irrelevant to the welcome change in our own feelings now. For some, the change begins with a tentative willingness to wait and see, to accept for a moment the hypothesis that the other person just possibly might be right. Before rushing to judgment, we suspend our own argument, listen carefully, and watch for the outcome. – Being Grateful
There are times when the best reply is no reply. Silence can be an answer in and of itself. Not every rude comment, snide remark, or sarcastic question deserves a response. In fact, very few of them do. Don’t feel obligated to respond to someone simply because they want a response or are trying to push your buttons.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about being rude to people or being aloof. I am talking about being wise and considering your words and your response. If your response will not help the situation, why reply? There is an old proverb that states, the wise man does not argue with a fool. This is good to remember.
I am not much into debates, petty arguments, or trading insults. In fact, as a rule, I am not going to waste time on such things. Although there are times when someone does need to be put in their place, these times are not every time someone opens their mouth or says something incorrect.
Say what needs to be said, don’t say what doesn’t need to be said, and be wise enough to know the difference. Hari Om