Life WITHOUT YOU – My Fakir



Perfect the unbroken awareness of your guru mantra with every breath and beat of the heart. This is your mission now.- Sw Satyananda

This Message from the great saint throbs  my soul. Of Course the spiritual aspect of mine was deeply ingrained in my mind since my birth. But due to hocus pocus of my life I was far away from it. High ambition , careers , jobs , unsatisfied life and addiction lead to me hit the rock bottom of my life and rock bottom became the foundation of my life. I accepted things as it is. First , I accepted myself including my flaws and forgave myself. I admitted my wrongs I have done to other people and asked apology. It was not easy though because the big ego is always an obstacle. An equal willingness to admit where the fault is mine and equal willingness to forgive when the fault is somewhere.

I met a person in my life during my recovery days . He is Sw Niyachaitanya ( Sriram Panda ) . This is specially for the Youths who are into all sorts of vices .. He inspired me …The Cavendar’s model who lured youths in the 90s to smoke cigarettes now dons the dress of a monk. How did Sriram Panda transform into Swami Nitya Chaitanya? Is it possible for someone to have such a dramatic change in life? He was the Big B of Odiya film industry during 7os and 80s. He said , “I was going through a phase of suffocation. I was deeply hurt because of the dark holes in my life. All sorts of bad habits had come to be associated with me. My lifestyle was completely different; it was a life of luxury but my consciousness had taken a deep plunge. I had no knowledge of spiritual transcendence. I wanted to get rid of my vices and build up a strong character to lead a life of light. A friend once brought me to the Satyananda Yoga ashram here where I saw photographs of spiritual masters including Swami Sivananda, read the literature and everything changed. I saw hope in Parmahamsa Satyananda’s saying that a guru’s grace can transform even the worst sinner’s life. It was he who brought me on this path of transformation.A tough journey. It was difficult to face the inner conflict within me at different levels of thought. Now, I am on the path of transformation. I cannot say what level of transformation I have attained; only my guru can give an opinion on this. Thanks to his grace, a sinner has been able to become a sanyasi. You must be aware how in Ramayan, a dacoit was reformed and became Saint Valmiki. On the other hand, a saint can also drop down to the level of a sinner. So, my spiritual masters, including Swami Swaroopananda, can say where I stand.”

He further added that , “ Perhaps , I have come here to give a message to you , come to the folder where you were earlier.” He laughs, ” We think we are managing our own lives but there is an external superpower which controls us. Family disturbance, bankruptcy and then becoming a sanyasi might look like a loser’s story to the society. But even a sanyasi is bankrupt, he has no money. I have nothing of my own. All of you are banks. If I do a good deed, there would be no dearth of money.”

Life always has a turning point. I feel safe in the hands of My Sai – My Fakir.  It is a story of suffering transmuted, under grace, into spiritual progress. We have all thought, “If I tell the innermost things about myself, I will be rejected or put down.” Most real communication actually creates the opposite of what we fear.

How thankful I am today, to know that all my past failures were necessary for me to be where I am now. Through much pain came experience and, in suffering, I became obedient. When I sought God,as I understand Him, He shared His treasured gifts. Through
experience and obedience, growth started, followed by gratitude. Yes, then came peace of mind — living in and sharing sobriety and spiritual life.

The search is on. Everyone, everywhere, asks the question at some time, “Who am I?”  It shows us the way to self-discovery. It directs our steps to the celebration of self that is a gift of recovery. The events of my past may plague me. But they did contribute to the fullness I feel today. And for them, for their involvement in who I’ve become, I can be grateful.

Claiming ourselves, the good and the bad, is healing. It’s taking responsibility–for where we were and where we’re going. Claiming ourselves makes us the active participants in our lives. The choices are many and varied. Not actively participating in life is also a choice. Passivity may have been our dominant choice in years gone by. But now, today, we are choosing recovery. We are choosing action that is healing, and wholeness is the result.
Making myself mine, will exhilarate me. It will give me hope. It will prepare me for anything to come. I will know a new joy. So I cannot live without My Guru. I am grateful to Him.



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